Archive for February, 2008

Let’s Talk Jorts

Posted in Florida Gators, Jorts, NC State Wolfpack on February 18, 2008 by Chad

Gator fans are cringing just at the title of this piece. They know it must have something to do with them. As usual I like to back my trash with facts and you will certainly see that as we go along. First, some of you may be wondering what “jorts” are. Well it’s simple really…as Wikipedia puts it:

A Jort (or Jorts, plural), a portmanteau of “jean-shorts”, is a garment worn by women or men that covers the pelvic area, the buttocks, and the upper part of the legs (typically the part above the knee). Jorts are types of shorts that are made only from denim.

Here’s the thing about jorts. It is perfectly fine for women to wear jorts. It’s a sex appeal thing. Men on the other hand…it’s just not acceptable. It’s blasphemy. Women in jorts, sexy. Men in jorts, not so much. Please see exhibits “A” and “B” below. Click on the pictures for a larger view.

Women Jorts Man Jorts

I suppose you are also wondering why I insist Gator fans are pretty upset right now. Well it’s because I am picking on something that is sacred to the Gator Nation. To be quite honest with you, I don’t think that there is anything more sacred to the Gator Nation than jorts. Jorts are a powerful thing to them. It separates them from the crowd. You can spot a jort wearing Gator fan from hundreds of feet away.

Gator Jorts

I would even be willing to say that Gator fans are the National Champions of jorts. I understand that there are plenty of teams out there with their fair share of jort wearing fans. Especially in the South. But I have yet to see a fan base that not only takes the Jorts National Championship trophy home, but they also proudly display that trophy. In fact, the display for the JNC is almost like a shrine. It’s got its own room. Those other National Championship trophies…not nearly as important.

Jorts Collage

Gator fans are so in love with their jorts, they even have their very own logo’d jorts. Yes that’s right, they are that much of a money maker in Gunsville.

Jorts

Even Budweiser has recognized the inventor of Jorts (a UF grad) in one of their Real Men Of Genius commercials. How many other fan bases can say they have a Budweiser commercial about their sacred line of clothing? For the sake of our amusement…keep jort’n Gator fans.

And here’s one for you ACC fans. Who do you suppose would be the ACC Jort Champions? Wuffies won’t be too thrilled with this. Are they the ACC Jort Champions? Some would say so. I haven’t seen any evidence to prove otherwise. This picture is courtesy of EaglesTalon at Eagle Insider.

TOB Jorts

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ACC Football Decline

Posted in ACC, Atlantic Coast Conference, Football on February 18, 2008 by Chad

Something really surprising happened to the ACC in football. They started to suck! Who woulda thunk that 4 years ago when Miami and Va Tech came on the scene from the Big Least? Boston College should have laughed and said in their best BC Guy voice “Hahahahahaha NO!”. But they didn’t and here they are in the lowly ACC. Is there anybody out there that agrees with me? That the ACC has just flat out sucked lately?

Refs

5 out of 7 agree! So now we have 12 teams in the conference. The two big Florida schools for some reason have forgotten that they are suppose to actually play football when they step on the field. Oh you mean we are actually supposed to compete? Miami wasn’t even bowl eligible! Miami! The U! RB U! What the hell? Miami also can’t seem to shake the Thug U tag. Coach Shannon has tried to make some strides but who knows how well he’ll do and how far he’ll go. Last season was an improvement.

Thug U

Florida State forgot what it’s like to play offense. And yes, I’m blaming that on the Bowden family. Jimbo Fisher also has his work cut out for him. There was actually a bit of a drop off from Jeff Bowden’s last year and Jimbo’s first. I’m okay with that though. I have to be. Teaching and learning a whole new offense can’t be that easy…or that hard really. This year had better be different. Another good recruiting class should help both Miami and FSU. You got the weapons you wanted, now use them!

Jeff Bowden

Check the final standings from last year. One team in the Top 10 and only 3 in the Top 25. Neither of which include Miami or FSU. WTF? Wake Forest won the Conference Championship game in 2006. WTF? Virginia is ranked #21 in Schlabach’s preseason rankinkgs. WTF? If it wasn’t for Va Tech and Boston College the ACC would be in pretty bad shape. Look at this Conference on paper and it should be a Top 3 Conference. But it’s not. Jeff Sagarin had the ACC ranked as the 5th best behind the Big Least! Horrible! 2008 had better hold some better results or else we’ll continue to be a weak ass Conference with no room to talk smack to any other team outside the ACC. Really all we should be allowed to do is just make fun of Dook. But hey, at least they won a game last year.

So this message goes out to all the ACC Coaches from all the ACC fans…”Tighten up jackweeds!”

Question Clemson Fans

Posted in ACC, Clemson Tigers, Football with tags , , , , on February 15, 2008 by Chad

What does Tommy and Co. pitch to these recruits?

“Come to Clemson! You’re all we need to get over that late season face plant we take every year!”
“You’ll come here if you want a real challenge! How many times do you think you can run down that worthless hill we take on just before every home game?”
“Come to Clemson, we haven’t won an ACC title since FSU joined back in 1991!”
“Real men wear purple!”

Clemson Hill

You stole RB CJ Spiller from FSU last year. You snag yet another RB in Jamie Harper right out of Jacksonville and land the #1 DE prospect Da’Quan Bowers. Not to mention convince TE Dwayne Allen to commit just two days after he had committed to Georgia. I’m tired of battling Clemson for recruits. It’s one of the reasons I am starting to despise the color purple. “You sure is ugly.” Can’t say I’m starting to despise the color urnge. I hated that color long before Joiner was busted making out with his “roommate” T-T-T-T-Timmy on the sidelines during a game.

The Color Purple

When the hell did Clemson start yanking recruits from the Big 3 in Florida? Did I get drop-kicked in the forehead? How much have I been drinking lately? Have you seen my baseball?

Makes you wonder what Mrs. Tommy is putting in those brownies. Certainly not pot! We know that recruiting is never done using illegal tactics. The only logical explanation for those brownies is that they were baked with love from the heart and butthash from the colon! Ahhh…smell the aroma when those bastards are baking! It’s quite therapeutic. Huff the Hash…Come to Clemson!!