Archive for the Florida Gators Category

Lady Gates Fall In NIT To NC State

Posted in ACC, Atlantic Coast Conference, Basketball, Florida Gators, NC State Wolfpack on March 28, 2008 by Chad

Lady Gates: 55
Lady NCSU: 80

I love seeing the Gates lose. From football to basket weaving I really don’t care. Last night the ladies of RCC (Rolly Clown Colledge) defeated the lady Gates by 25 points! Spank City. I get a double dose of goodness from this event because not only did the Gates lose, but they lost to an ACC team. The Gates only lead in the game was 3-2 with 17:06 remaining in the first half. It was that point that the slaughter began. I just wanted to say thanks and congrats to the Ladies of NCSU. Two-thumbs up performance.

Borat Thumbs-up

Giving Him The Business

Posted in ACC, Big East, Florida Gators, Football, Maryland Terrapins, NC State Wolfpack, Pac-10 on March 5, 2008 by Chad

I had originally planned to write an article on how shitty the ACC Refs are, especially Ron Cherry. In my research, I came across a clip of my pal Ron making a call in a game between the Wuffies and the “Fear the Turtle” game this past year. Check out the clip.

Also while browsing, I came across what I assume to be the original “giving him the business” call.

Now here is the problem I’m having with this. First of all, WTF? Secondly, I can’t be the only one that thinks this call just screams ghey. Not only does the “giving him the business” tag seem like some sort of sly way of covering up the fact that a player could possibly be jerking another one off…but the ref in that second video uses the hand motions to verification of my original jerking off thought. All while saying “he was giving him the business down there”. That shit ain’t right.

Listen, there is no room in football for these Gaytoresque actions. “Giving him the business” is something Timmy Tebow and Tony Joiner do to each other on the sidelines when one makes a tackle or scrambles for 3 yards. Lord only knows what type of business goes on between those two roomies when the lights go out in their room.

Why not just a “personal foul – dude was being a douchehole”. Now that would be a bit more humorous. Or if you want to be politically correct, why not just a personal foul for unnecessary roughness? Let’s keep the game within reason here Ron. I know you love the attention of blowing games and making shit calls, but we have no room for it in the ACC. Take that shit to the Big East or the Pac-10. Better yet, focus on Gaytor games alone. They are the “Fermenting Gurus” and “Huffing Masters” when it comes to your drug of choice.

Let’s Talk Jorts

Posted in Florida Gators, Jorts, NC State Wolfpack on February 18, 2008 by Chad

Gator fans are cringing just at the title of this piece. They know it must have something to do with them. As usual I like to back my trash with facts and you will certainly see that as we go along. First, some of you may be wondering what “jorts” are. Well it’s simple really…as Wikipedia puts it:

A Jort (or Jorts, plural), a portmanteau of “jean-shorts”, is a garment worn by women or men that covers the pelvic area, the buttocks, and the upper part of the legs (typically the part above the knee). Jorts are types of shorts that are made only from denim.

Here’s the thing about jorts. It is perfectly fine for women to wear jorts. It’s a sex appeal thing. Men on the other hand…it’s just not acceptable. It’s blasphemy. Women in jorts, sexy. Men in jorts, not so much. Please see exhibits “A” and “B” below. Click on the pictures for a larger view.

Women Jorts Man Jorts

I suppose you are also wondering why I insist Gator fans are pretty upset right now. Well it’s because I am picking on something that is sacred to the Gator Nation. To be quite honest with you, I don’t think that there is anything more sacred to the Gator Nation than jorts. Jorts are a powerful thing to them. It separates them from the crowd. You can spot a jort wearing Gator fan from hundreds of feet away.

Gator Jorts

I would even be willing to say that Gator fans are the National Champions of jorts. I understand that there are plenty of teams out there with their fair share of jort wearing fans. Especially in the South. But I have yet to see a fan base that not only takes the Jorts National Championship trophy home, but they also proudly display that trophy. In fact, the display for the JNC is almost like a shrine. It’s got its own room. Those other National Championship trophies…not nearly as important.

Jorts Collage

Gator fans are so in love with their jorts, they even have their very own logo’d jorts. Yes that’s right, they are that much of a money maker in Gunsville.

Jorts

Even Budweiser has recognized the inventor of Jorts (a UF grad) in one of their Real Men Of Genius commercials. How many other fan bases can say they have a Budweiser commercial about their sacred line of clothing? For the sake of our amusement…keep jort’n Gator fans.

And here’s one for you ACC fans. Who do you suppose would be the ACC Jort Champions? Wuffies won’t be too thrilled with this. Are they the ACC Jort Champions? Some would say so. I haven’t seen any evidence to prove otherwise. This picture is courtesy of EaglesTalon at Eagle Insider.

TOB Jorts