Archive for the Football Category

Miami Sports Information Director Fired

Posted in ACC, Atlantic Coast Conference, Football, Miami Hurricanes on March 27, 2008 by Chad

Is this a good day for ACC news or what? Only this story is disturbing…
Rich Korch. This scumbag was fired for having child porn on his computer at work. Brainiac here decided that he would ask for someone to check out his computer since it was running so slow. He actually tried to hide the videos and pictures in a folder called “Season Recaps”. Pusscadore Korch is married and has 4 kids. Man does this help Miami’s image!

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/sports/content/sports/epaper/2008/03/27/a11c_umsid_0327.html

Clemson’s Kenny Page Is Ballin’

Posted in ACC, Atlantic Coast Conference, Clemson Tigers, Football, Ken Page on March 27, 2008 by Chad

Ballin’ as in he’s able to make it rain on them Clemson ladies. And here I am wondering how Clemson takes all the good recruits lately! Check out his stack.

CU Ken Page

This reminds me of two different people I have come across in the strip club my gorgeous lady and I like to frequent. One was a local bar owner who had this incredibly Gator way of attempting to make it rain on these stretch-marked hotties! He would put a stack of of 1’s (likely 20 of them) in one palm and smack them out on the strippers one at a time all while gripping his bottom lip with his top row of teeth. Now that’s how dirty old men make it rain. The other guy is one I went to high school with and who is currently in the NFL. He also only had a small stack of 1’s compared to Ken’s stack. Which is okay because we were in a $1 style strip club.

Neither of these two guys had stacks like my boy Ken. So my question has been answered. Tommyboy is coming of the cash for his boys. If a 4 star offensive lineman is holding this stack…what are the other high profile guys depositing? This picture is worth way more than $1,000 words! Which brings me to my next question…Are those 20’s or 50’s? It’s too hard to tell.

Thanks to Goose for bringing this to my attention. Mez, both of my readers want answers!

Weatherford To Have Surgery

Posted in ACC, Atlantic Coast Conference, Drew Weatherford, Florida State Seminoles, Football, Xavier Lee on March 27, 2008 by Chad

Obviously it has been a while since I have written an article. I’m sure it’s a disappointment to all my readers. So I would like to apologize to both of you! I’ll try not to have a real life and write more.

Weatherford will be having surgery on his knee. Or will he? Assuming that he doesn’t travel to Hochfranken, Bavaria…he should be okay. It seems the surgeons there (understandably so) confuse the leg with the anus. I can’t tell you how many time a day I’ve gotten the two confused. I’ve wiped my shin raw before when I had that stomach virus.

Weatherford

Soon to be first-round draftee Xavier Lee could have had his 87th opportunity to impress the Florida State coaches and show them that he is a worthy starter. I wondered what he was feeling when he heard the news. Would he be happy Drew got hurt, disappointed that he can’t be there to shine or just not care? After many attempts I finally caught up with X and asked him about the injury to Drew. Here is what he had to say:

X Lee: Huh?

Lee2

After a brief and disappointing conversation, I realized I need to contact someone close to Lee that could give me his thoughts and opinions. After all, I do have an article to write. I tried contacting his dad first to see what I could get out of him. Here is what he had to say:

Mr. X Lee: FSU sucks!

After another stimulating phone conversation, I thought maybe this article was just not meant to be. How can I give the people what they want when I can’t get the information. Then it occurred to me that I should contact someone that isn’t related to X. Maybe a friend or teacher. I got in touch with X’s tutor and here is what she had to say:

X. Lee Tutor: A,C,C,B,A,D,C,A,B,B,D,A,C,D,B,D,A

The good news is that this gives Christian Ponder and D’vo Richardson the opportunity to shine in the Spring. Ponder did ok for a newbie in the Va Tech game last year and D’vo quit baseball to focus more on football. On a serious note, it will be interesting to see what these two can do in the Spring.

Giving Him The Business

Posted in ACC, Big East, Florida Gators, Football, Maryland Terrapins, NC State Wolfpack, Pac-10 on March 5, 2008 by Chad

I had originally planned to write an article on how shitty the ACC Refs are, especially Ron Cherry. In my research, I came across a clip of my pal Ron making a call in a game between the Wuffies and the “Fear the Turtle” game this past year. Check out the clip.

Also while browsing, I came across what I assume to be the original “giving him the business” call.

Now here is the problem I’m having with this. First of all, WTF? Secondly, I can’t be the only one that thinks this call just screams ghey. Not only does the “giving him the business” tag seem like some sort of sly way of covering up the fact that a player could possibly be jerking another one off…but the ref in that second video uses the hand motions to verification of my original jerking off thought. All while saying “he was giving him the business down there”. That shit ain’t right.

Listen, there is no room in football for these Gaytoresque actions. “Giving him the business” is something Timmy Tebow and Tony Joiner do to each other on the sidelines when one makes a tackle or scrambles for 3 yards. Lord only knows what type of business goes on between those two roomies when the lights go out in their room.

Why not just a “personal foul – dude was being a douchehole”. Now that would be a bit more humorous. Or if you want to be politically correct, why not just a personal foul for unnecessary roughness? Let’s keep the game within reason here Ron. I know you love the attention of blowing games and making shit calls, but we have no room for it in the ACC. Take that shit to the Big East or the Pac-10. Better yet, focus on Gaytor games alone. They are the “Fermenting Gurus” and “Huffing Masters” when it comes to your drug of choice.

ACC Football Decline

Posted in ACC, Atlantic Coast Conference, Football on February 18, 2008 by Chad

Something really surprising happened to the ACC in football. They started to suck! Who woulda thunk that 4 years ago when Miami and Va Tech came on the scene from the Big Least? Boston College should have laughed and said in their best BC Guy voice “Hahahahahaha NO!”. But they didn’t and here they are in the lowly ACC. Is there anybody out there that agrees with me? That the ACC has just flat out sucked lately?

Refs

5 out of 7 agree! So now we have 12 teams in the conference. The two big Florida schools for some reason have forgotten that they are suppose to actually play football when they step on the field. Oh you mean we are actually supposed to compete? Miami wasn’t even bowl eligible! Miami! The U! RB U! What the hell? Miami also can’t seem to shake the Thug U tag. Coach Shannon has tried to make some strides but who knows how well he’ll do and how far he’ll go. Last season was an improvement.

Thug U

Florida State forgot what it’s like to play offense. And yes, I’m blaming that on the Bowden family. Jimbo Fisher also has his work cut out for him. There was actually a bit of a drop off from Jeff Bowden’s last year and Jimbo’s first. I’m okay with that though. I have to be. Teaching and learning a whole new offense can’t be that easy…or that hard really. This year had better be different. Another good recruiting class should help both Miami and FSU. You got the weapons you wanted, now use them!

Jeff Bowden

Check the final standings from last year. One team in the Top 10 and only 3 in the Top 25. Neither of which include Miami or FSU. WTF? Wake Forest won the Conference Championship game in 2006. WTF? Virginia is ranked #21 in Schlabach’s preseason rankinkgs. WTF? If it wasn’t for Va Tech and Boston College the ACC would be in pretty bad shape. Look at this Conference on paper and it should be a Top 3 Conference. But it’s not. Jeff Sagarin had the ACC ranked as the 5th best behind the Big Least! Horrible! 2008 had better hold some better results or else we’ll continue to be a weak ass Conference with no room to talk smack to any other team outside the ACC. Really all we should be allowed to do is just make fun of Dook. But hey, at least they won a game last year.

So this message goes out to all the ACC Coaches from all the ACC fans…”Tighten up jackweeds!”

Question Clemson Fans

Posted in ACC, Clemson Tigers, Football with tags , , , , on February 15, 2008 by Chad

What does Tommy and Co. pitch to these recruits?

“Come to Clemson! You’re all we need to get over that late season face plant we take every year!”
“You’ll come here if you want a real challenge! How many times do you think you can run down that worthless hill we take on just before every home game?”
“Come to Clemson, we haven’t won an ACC title since FSU joined back in 1991!”
“Real men wear purple!”

Clemson Hill

You stole RB CJ Spiller from FSU last year. You snag yet another RB in Jamie Harper right out of Jacksonville and land the #1 DE prospect Da’Quan Bowers. Not to mention convince TE Dwayne Allen to commit just two days after he had committed to Georgia. I’m tired of battling Clemson for recruits. It’s one of the reasons I am starting to despise the color purple. “You sure is ugly.” Can’t say I’m starting to despise the color urnge. I hated that color long before Joiner was busted making out with his “roommate” T-T-T-T-Timmy on the sidelines during a game.

The Color Purple

When the hell did Clemson start yanking recruits from the Big 3 in Florida? Did I get drop-kicked in the forehead? How much have I been drinking lately? Have you seen my baseball?

Makes you wonder what Mrs. Tommy is putting in those brownies. Certainly not pot! We know that recruiting is never done using illegal tactics. The only logical explanation for those brownies is that they were baked with love from the heart and butthash from the colon! Ahhh…smell the aroma when those bastards are baking! It’s quite therapeutic. Huff the Hash…Come to Clemson!!