Giving Him The Business

Posted in ACC, Big East, Florida Gators, Football, Maryland Terrapins, NC State Wolfpack, Pac-10 on March 5, 2008 by Chad

I had originally planned to write an article on how shitty the ACC Refs are, especially Ron Cherry. In my research, I came across a clip of my pal Ron making a call in a game between the Wuffies and the “Fear the Turtle” game this past year. Check out the clip.

Also while browsing, I came across what I assume to be the original “giving him the business” call.

Now here is the problem I’m having with this. First of all, WTF? Secondly, I can’t be the only one that thinks this call just screams ghey. Not only does the “giving him the business” tag seem like some sort of sly way of covering up the fact that a player could possibly be jerking another one off…but the ref in that second video uses the hand motions to verification of my original jerking off thought. All while saying “he was giving him the business down there”. That shit ain’t right.

Listen, there is no room in football for these Gaytoresque actions. “Giving him the business” is something Timmy Tebow and Tony Joiner do to each other on the sidelines when one makes a tackle or scrambles for 3 yards. Lord only knows what type of business goes on between those two roomies when the lights go out in their room.

Why not just a “personal foul – dude was being a douchehole”. Now that would be a bit more humorous. Or if you want to be politically correct, why not just a personal foul for unnecessary roughness? Let’s keep the game within reason here Ron. I know you love the attention of blowing games and making shit calls, but we have no room for it in the ACC. Take that shit to the Big East or the Pac-10. Better yet, focus on Gaytor games alone. They are the “Fermenting Gurus” and “Huffing Masters” when it comes to your drug of choice.

Interview With A BC Guy

Posted in ACC, Boston College Eagles, Interviews on March 4, 2008 by Chad

Here it is…our first interview with an ACC fan. The lucky fan privileged enough to pop our interview cherry is BC Guy EndlessMike66 of the EagleInsider forums. So check out the interview and leave him your comments. I’m sure he’ll respond in the most professional and respectful way possible.

ACC Trash: Tell us what it means to be a BC Guy.
Mike: BC guys are leaders of men and captains of industry. Eagle Insider is the nexus of the universe where the internet’s greatest minds meet on a daily basis. Every ACC school has an Eagle Insider ambassador to the ACC League of Nations (except for Miami, whose seat was vacated due to conviction).

ACC Trash: Why isn’t the EagleInsider Dictionary* as big as Webster or Wikipedia yet?
Mike: Give us time. We’ll get there, as long as the EI Dictionary’s sheer depth doesn’t cause the internet to shut down.
*ACC Trash Note: As Mike insinuated, the EI Dictionary is a great resource for the current slang. I recommend you check it out.

ACC Trash: Do you have NOBAMA! for Obama*?
Mike: I will be six feet under before I adopt any phrase created by NewYorkCanesEagles.
*ACC Trash Note: Consult EI for the meaning of NOBAMA! for Obama.

ACC Trash: How long before TOB turns NC State into a national powerhouse?
Mike: Well it’s important to point out that TOB’s idea of a success is getting out of the office a 4:59 so he can sip Country Time Lemonade on his porch on Daniel Island. So in that respect I imagine NC State is already shaping up to be a real powerhouse.

ACC Trash: Who are the ACC Jort Champions?
Mike: NC State fans are the jortsiest of them all. Virginia Tech is challenging the title, but they’re still a few Tasmanian Devil tattoos away.

ACC Trash: Outside the ACC, whose fans suck the most?
Mike: It would have to be a three-way tie between the Boise State fans who still hate BC for beating them on their stupid blue turf, the Big East fans who spend hours on BC message boards reminding us they don’t miss us, and SEC fans, who really need no explanation.

ACC Trash: If you were a 5* recruit and you had offers from only NC State and Notre Dame…Where do you go?
Mike: Well I’d have to go with Notre Dame since it’s a good school and at least when they talk about their football tradition, they actually have a football tradition to speak of. Honestly though, I’d be wondering what I did wrong and why Jags didn’t consider me a BC Guy.

ACC Trash: Thoughts on the ACC versus the Big Least?
Mike: Big East fans still troll Eagle Insider and ask us if we miss them. The answer is no. The ACC is a better fit athletically and academically. The Big East made it pretty clear that they only really care about basketball, and the monstrosity it has become is a testament to that. The ACC has the same 12 teams and this format allows for spectacular rivalries from the field to the court. Although BC is the only northeastern ACC school, it still makes more geographic sense in an Atlantic Coast Conference than Marquette, Cincinnati, Notre Dame and DePaul make in the Big East. Personally, I am really enjoying the ACC and its fans. The naysayers said BC would not be able to compete, but since the move we’ve been right in the thick of it and are fostering some great rivalries.

ACC Trash: Is Jags really better than TOB?
Mike: How much time do you have? I could go on for days about how much better Jags is for this program. When I was suffering under TOB’s 8-win seasons and lowered expectations, I put together a wish list of attributes I wanted in a new BC coach. Jags is everything I wanted in a coach, and more. He is an energetic recruiter, he runs a dynamic, exciting offense, he is a great ambassador for the school, and he really understands what makes BC great.

ACC Trash: Other than Mez of course, who’s the baddest Ambassador at EI?
Mike: You’re making a name for yourself and reaching out to the BC community with this blog, so it could be you soon enough. Maybe Mez could use a Deputy Secretary-General.

Let’s Talk Jorts

Posted in Florida Gators, Jorts, NC State Wolfpack on February 18, 2008 by Chad

Gator fans are cringing just at the title of this piece. They know it must have something to do with them. As usual I like to back my trash with facts and you will certainly see that as we go along. First, some of you may be wondering what “jorts” are. Well it’s simple really…as Wikipedia puts it:

A Jort (or Jorts, plural), a portmanteau of “jean-shorts”, is a garment worn by women or men that covers the pelvic area, the buttocks, and the upper part of the legs (typically the part above the knee). Jorts are types of shorts that are made only from denim.

Here’s the thing about jorts. It is perfectly fine for women to wear jorts. It’s a sex appeal thing. Men on the other hand…it’s just not acceptable. It’s blasphemy. Women in jorts, sexy. Men in jorts, not so much. Please see exhibits “A” and “B” below. Click on the pictures for a larger view.

Women Jorts Man Jorts

I suppose you are also wondering why I insist Gator fans are pretty upset right now. Well it’s because I am picking on something that is sacred to the Gator Nation. To be quite honest with you, I don’t think that there is anything more sacred to the Gator Nation than jorts. Jorts are a powerful thing to them. It separates them from the crowd. You can spot a jort wearing Gator fan from hundreds of feet away.

Gator Jorts

I would even be willing to say that Gator fans are the National Champions of jorts. I understand that there are plenty of teams out there with their fair share of jort wearing fans. Especially in the South. But I have yet to see a fan base that not only takes the Jorts National Championship trophy home, but they also proudly display that trophy. In fact, the display for the JNC is almost like a shrine. It’s got its own room. Those other National Championship trophies…not nearly as important.

Jorts Collage

Gator fans are so in love with their jorts, they even have their very own logo’d jorts. Yes that’s right, they are that much of a money maker in Gunsville.

Jorts

Even Budweiser has recognized the inventor of Jorts (a UF grad) in one of their Real Men Of Genius commercials. How many other fan bases can say they have a Budweiser commercial about their sacred line of clothing? For the sake of our amusement…keep jort’n Gator fans.

And here’s one for you ACC fans. Who do you suppose would be the ACC Jort Champions? Wuffies won’t be too thrilled with this. Are they the ACC Jort Champions? Some would say so. I haven’t seen any evidence to prove otherwise. This picture is courtesy of EaglesTalon at Eagle Insider.

TOB Jorts

ACC Football Decline

Posted in ACC, Atlantic Coast Conference, Football on February 18, 2008 by Chad

Something really surprising happened to the ACC in football. They started to suck! Who woulda thunk that 4 years ago when Miami and Va Tech came on the scene from the Big Least? Boston College should have laughed and said in their best BC Guy voice “Hahahahahaha NO!”. But they didn’t and here they are in the lowly ACC. Is there anybody out there that agrees with me? That the ACC has just flat out sucked lately?

Refs

5 out of 7 agree! So now we have 12 teams in the conference. The two big Florida schools for some reason have forgotten that they are suppose to actually play football when they step on the field. Oh you mean we are actually supposed to compete? Miami wasn’t even bowl eligible! Miami! The U! RB U! What the hell? Miami also can’t seem to shake the Thug U tag. Coach Shannon has tried to make some strides but who knows how well he’ll do and how far he’ll go. Last season was an improvement.

Thug U

Florida State forgot what it’s like to play offense. And yes, I’m blaming that on the Bowden family. Jimbo Fisher also has his work cut out for him. There was actually a bit of a drop off from Jeff Bowden’s last year and Jimbo’s first. I’m okay with that though. I have to be. Teaching and learning a whole new offense can’t be that easy…or that hard really. This year had better be different. Another good recruiting class should help both Miami and FSU. You got the weapons you wanted, now use them!

Jeff Bowden

Check the final standings from last year. One team in the Top 10 and only 3 in the Top 25. Neither of which include Miami or FSU. WTF? Wake Forest won the Conference Championship game in 2006. WTF? Virginia is ranked #21 in Schlabach’s preseason rankinkgs. WTF? If it wasn’t for Va Tech and Boston College the ACC would be in pretty bad shape. Look at this Conference on paper and it should be a Top 3 Conference. But it’s not. Jeff Sagarin had the ACC ranked as the 5th best behind the Big Least! Horrible! 2008 had better hold some better results or else we’ll continue to be a weak ass Conference with no room to talk smack to any other team outside the ACC. Really all we should be allowed to do is just make fun of Dook. But hey, at least they won a game last year.

So this message goes out to all the ACC Coaches from all the ACC fans…”Tighten up jackweeds!”

Question Clemson Fans

Posted in ACC, Clemson Tigers, Football with tags , , , , on February 15, 2008 by Chad

What does Tommy and Co. pitch to these recruits?

“Come to Clemson! You’re all we need to get over that late season face plant we take every year!”
“You’ll come here if you want a real challenge! How many times do you think you can run down that worthless hill we take on just before every home game?”
“Come to Clemson, we haven’t won an ACC title since FSU joined back in 1991!”
“Real men wear purple!”

Clemson Hill

You stole RB CJ Spiller from FSU last year. You snag yet another RB in Jamie Harper right out of Jacksonville and land the #1 DE prospect Da’Quan Bowers. Not to mention convince TE Dwayne Allen to commit just two days after he had committed to Georgia. I’m tired of battling Clemson for recruits. It’s one of the reasons I am starting to despise the color purple. “You sure is ugly.” Can’t say I’m starting to despise the color urnge. I hated that color long before Joiner was busted making out with his “roommate” T-T-T-T-Timmy on the sidelines during a game.

The Color Purple

When the hell did Clemson start yanking recruits from the Big 3 in Florida? Did I get drop-kicked in the forehead? How much have I been drinking lately? Have you seen my baseball?

Makes you wonder what Mrs. Tommy is putting in those brownies. Certainly not pot! We know that recruiting is never done using illegal tactics. The only logical explanation for those brownies is that they were baked with love from the heart and butthash from the colon! Ahhh…smell the aroma when those bastards are baking! It’s quite therapeutic. Huff the Hash…Come to Clemson!!